It's almost time for the most non-senseical holiday ever created!

Really Easter makes no sense to me. How does it go from the original concept of Jesus rising from the dead and the whole celebration of that to a rabbit hiding eggs? O.o Does that make sense to anyone? I can't even link it back to the orignal pagan spring celebrations that I know of. It sure as certain ain't a part of Beltain. Where the heck did the Easter Bunny come from?!

Despite the brain breaking concept of the bunny, Easter is one of my favorite times. It has nothing to do with any type of religion or spiritual stuff though. No the reason I adore Easter so is because every year when my family gets together for Easter weekend at my grantparents' property on a nearby river (we call it the Landing), something hilarious involving alcohol happens.

Last year my favorite aunt and my favorite female cousin got sloshed and decided to swing dance with each other. Drunken swing dancing...enough said.

The year before that was the drunken gator hunt. Two of my aunts, two of my of age female cousins, two of my of age male cousins, my mother, me and one of my 15 year old cousins all got into the pontoon boat and went hunting for gators at night. Now the whole point was simply to catch a gator, not kill it.

My cousin Ron* planned the whole excursion and then my other cousin Jack* decided to bring Piña Coladas on board. Now I don't like anything with rum in it, I just don't like the taste of rum, so I was the only legal adult aboard this vessel who was not drinking. So we're out on this boat, all the adults save me are sucking down Piña Colada like it was water, and we are sneaking up on alligators with the men having the intention of hauling one up into the boat and taking it back to the Landing.

Normally this would have disaster written all over it and truly it was a stupid stupid idea, don't do it people.

That being said, about half an hour into this little hunt every last adult on that boat besides me was some degree of drunk. It went from my mom, who was just a bit buzzed, to Jack, who was getting silly, to the four females in the back who were completely wasted. My underage cousin is sitting next to me and making teenage snarky comments about the four idiots in the back, my mom is sitting across from me, and the two guys are in the front of the boat with ropes, a boat pole, and the cooler.

Every time we start sneaking up on a gator the guys look to the gossip group in the back and tell them to shut up......
Never tell a happy drunk to shut up it makes them laugh. So now here we are, sneaking up on a twelve foot alligator with four cackling and giggling women in the back and two men in the front hissing at them to 'shhhh' and 'be quiet!' and 'will you guys shut up!' and 'I'm really serious now you guys be quiet!' each time making them laugh even harder.

Needless to say the gator heard us coming and decided not to sit there like a log. The reptile went under, prompting vile curses from Jack and Ron. This was repeated five times over the course of three hours. Now three hours of drinking Piña Coladas makes a very full bladder and a very empty mind. The men did not wish to turn around until they'd gotten a gator but they and everyone else had to pee almost desperately so what do they do?

That's right they pee over the side of the boat. Ron started it then the four giggling nutcases in the back decided to follow suit but since they were women they couldn't just unzip, pull it out, and take a leak. Nope they had to pull their pants down and hang their butt off the edge of the boat, essentially mooning the fish.

I being the only sober adult on board did not wish to expose my butt to the wildlife, and by wildlife I mean the nutcases on the boat, my mom being only slightly buzzed maintained enough dignity and brain power to keep from peeing off the boat as well. My teenage cousin, being vulernable to peer pressure and a totally loaded bladder did, however, moon the fish.

Finally after the fifth failure, the guys decided to return to the Landing. By the time we got to dry land both I and my mother were desperate for a bathroom. They had barely docked and we were off that boat and making a beeline for the head.

And so every year I get to look forward to what crazy things alcohol will make my family do on Easter. I wonder what's going to happen this year?

Hope you all got as much of a laugh out of my favorite Easter memory as I still do. Happy Easter everybody!

(* names have been changed)